You certainly don’t want to wait to build mental strength until the moment you need it. That would be like lifting weights right before you have to pick up a heavy box. A quick few exercises in the seconds before you need big muscles doesn’t really do the trick. Start building mental strength long before you need to be strong. Not only will it help you get through the hard times, but bigger mental muscles can also help you thrive during the good times too.

Fortunately, everyone has the ability to perform mental strength exercises. And no matter how strong you are already, there’s always room for improvement.

Mental muscles have to be built over time

I oftn hear statements from people saying things like, “I need to be mentally stronger so I can bounce back easily from offending events, disputes, attacks or simply stressful situations.” But what they’re looking for is resilience, not necessarily mental strength. Resilience can be defined as the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. And while mental strength can also be a key component to getting through tough times, it’s not something that should be reserved for hardship. Big mental muscles can help you when life is going well, also.en

So you might think of resilience as a defensive strategy; it helps you get back up after you’ve been pushed down. Mental strength is more like an offensive strategy. It might prevent you from getting knocked down in the first place.

Incorporate mental fitness into your life

Similar to the way you might go to the gym to work out your body, it’s important to invest time into working out your mind. As your mental muscles grow, you’ll learn to challenge yourself in ways that will help you reach your greatest potential. And when you’re stronger, you’ll be more resilient as you’ll be confident in your ability to bounce back from whatever hardships you encounter along the way.

If you want to specifically build your mental strength, I recommend exercises like writing in a gratitude journal. Self-monitor your maladaptive thoughts, images, feelings and behaviors in order to facilitate a positive attitude. Wasting brain power ruminating about things you can’t control drains mental energy quickly. The more you think about negative problems that you can’t solve, the less energy you’ll have leftover for creative endeavors. Identify and replace overly negative thoughts with thoughts that are more productive. Productive thoughts don’t need to be extremely positive, but should be realistic.

Behave like the person, you’d like to become 

Finally, being mentally strong doesn’t mean you don’t experience emotions. In fact, mental strength requires you to become acutely aware of your emotions so you can make the best choice about how to respond. Mental strength is about accepting your feelings without being controlled by them. Practice behaving like the person you’d like to become. Create time to reflect upon your progress toward developing mental strength. At the end of each day, ask yourself what you’ve learned about your thoughts, emotions and behavior. Consider what you hope to improve upon or accomplish tomorrow. And most important:

Stay curious and enjoy the process!

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Psychologist Daniela Renger from the Christian Albrechts University in Kiel defines social esteem, which is shared through praise, as one of three forms of recognition. The other two are respect and affection. “Praise increases self-esteem, i.e. the perception that one is competent, capable and valuable.” Daniela Renger, together with two colleagues from Basel and Louvain-la-Neuve, also showed that social recognition can protect against burnout. Two studies with several hundred employees were able to prove this: The higher the recognition by superiors and colleagues, the lower the risk of burnout. Furthermore, respect and appreciation could reduce emotional exhaustion and increase work performance. In another study, the researchers followed people in their daily lives as well as at work and found that the respect they experienced increased their sense of autonomy. With autonomy, life and job satisfaction increased noticeably.

Now, probably all of us have experienced that not all praise is good, feels appreciative or conveys respect. In fact, there are many things one can do wrong when praising. Why is that?

All praise is accompanied by evaluation. Those who express praise attribute to themselves the competence and authority to be able to judge someone else. Since, typically, no permission is sought in advance, it is quickly clear that the one praising is at least on a par with, if not above, the one being praised in the hierarchy.

Praise can be formulated subjectively (“I think you are nice.”) as well as objectively (“You are a nice person”). It can also refer to different things. Praise can be given for a result (“The report is very good.”), an activity (“You write very well.”), a character trait (“Your diligence is commendable.”) or things (“You have beautiful eyes.”). An activity can be influenced by the praised person and he or she bears the responsibility for it, which does not apply to the beautiful eyes. For praise to be effective at all, it needs the right form, dose, the situation as well as the relationship of the people involved. The following tips can help ensure that praise actually motivates and is good for both the recipient and the giver:

In principle, praise should always be honest and authentic. Do not strategically praise a colleague for something you did not actually find worth mentioning or suspect that the person feels unhappy about it him or herself.

Do not exaggerate or give unwarranted praise. Even children who have a well-developed “Theory of Mind” (from the age of 6 or 7) are more likely to feel sad or not taken seriously after false praise. Exaggerated formulations (“that was just perfect”) can furthermore build up pressure. Those who are less self-confident may be discouraged.

Good praise focuses on the action more than the result. “It’s great how committed you were to preparing the presentation.” is usually more encouraging than “Great presentation,” because it acknowledges the effort and motivates the person to keep trying.

Above all, praise should be given for what the praised person can control. Only then can the praised person take personal credit for it. Praise for character traits which are difficult to control can make a person assume that his or her level of performance is unchangeable, which can dampen ambition.

Show interest. “Did you cook the meal yourself? Was it complicated? Would you give me the recipe?” By doing this, you pay true appreciation to the other person without directly praising in a judgmental way.

When praising, do not compare. The focus is always on the praiseworthy performance, regardless of whether it compares favourably or unfavourably with others. A “You were the best” stirs up the fear that one could certainly not perform as outstandingly again, which is why the renewed effort will probably not be worthwhile.

Have a certain standard for what is to be praised. If you are praised for something that actually seems trivial, you are more likely to believe that you are not capable of doing it. Praise should also be well measured so as not to devalue your own encouragement.

Praise is therefore very valuable – within the family as well as at work. However, it is useful to observe your own way of praising more closely and to adjust it purposefully. In addition, invest in a warm, trusting relationship in order to give appreciation beyond direct praise.

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Many perspectives and ideas exist about what makes people happy, yet it seems that some people are simply happier than others, no matter what they have or do. We often believe that happiness will magically appear if we just achieve a certain goal, find a new love or finally get to go on that holiday again.

But all these goals usually make us happy only in the fairly short term. Researchers refer to happiness as “subjective well-being” because it is based on how individuals feel about their personal lives. The well-known happiness researcher and Harvard professor of positive psychology Shawn Achor has recognised: “Happiness is a work ethic. It’s something our brains have to train for, just like athletes do.” In numerous studies with thousands of participants, he has since been able to find out that we can reprogram our brains like a computer to become happier. Since our brains can only devote a limited number of resources to experiencing the world, it is actually up to us to choose whether we want to experience pain, negativity or stress, or look at things with gratitude, optimism and a sense of purpose. While we cannot change reality simply by sheer willpower, we can change our perception of the world and thus our reactions to circumstances. “We need to understand that 90% of our long-term happiness is not determined by the external situation, but by the way our brain processes the world. And if we change that, if we adapt our formula for happiness and success to it, we can even shape reality,” Achor says.

Consciously choosing to be a happy and grateful person is a good option in every way. When our brain is in a positive mood, our intelligence increases, we no longer waste energy thinking about fears, our creativity triples and our productive energy increases by 31%. We are healthier, more balanced, more resilient and, above all, happier.
It just takes 21 days for the pattern of positive thinking to be permanently ingrained in our brains.

Gratitude plays a decisive role in this. Many people keep gratitude diaries, which have become quite popular. Those who are not so fond of writing can also introduce a gratitude round at the family table. Each family member names three things for which they were grateful in the last 24 hours. With this “task” in mind to name something in the evening, you now scan your everyday life for positive things instead of threats. Be aware of everything that triggers gratitude in you and after 21 days you will become noticeably more optimistic. Anticipation also increases the release of endorphins. If we don’t have time for a holiday or a dinner with friends, we might as well plan the date and mark it in our calendar. Whenever we need a happiness boost, we simply remind ourselves of the upcoming event by looking in our calendar to effectively stimulate the pleasure centre in our brain.

Neuroscientists have also found that monks who have practised meditation have developed their left prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for feelings of happiness. So meditating makes you happier. Even mini-meditations of just 2 minutes of conscious pause daily, in which you concentrate only on your breath, work small miracles.
One of the most important investments in your happiness is your social network. “Once people focus on forming meaningful relationships or increasing the importance and depth of existing relationships, happiness increases in proportion to those social connections,” Achor knows. So just when you least feel like it, it’s worth calling a friend, writing a nice email or meeting up for a coffee. And the best thing about it: if we actually try to make our lives happier, we can also positively influence the lives of up to 1000 other people around us.

Therefore, let’s decide for a happier world and thus make it a happier one.

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The movement began in the 1960s in the USA, especially among African-American civil rights activists. With the founding of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, the protest against the common ideals of beauty and discrimination against fat people was initiated. Representatives of the body positivity movement advocate accepting all kinds of bodies and treating them with respect. Weight is only one aspect, among many other supposed flaws such as body hair, scars, disabilities, wrinkles and many more.

It is empirically proven that fat people or generally people who are not attractive when measured against the given ideal of beauty are clearly disadvantaged in many areas of life. They are stigmatised, considered lazy or less intelligent. This results in fewer job opportunities, less frequent salary increases and even hidden or direct insults.

Of course, this is not fair, but then again, can the solution be for everyone to settle for being overweight or having pimples? Isn’t being overweight totally unhealthy?

Yes and no. What is especially unhealthy is the constant dissatisfaction with one’s own body. Our body image is considered an important pillar of self-esteem and those who perceive their body image negatively are more likely to suffer from stress, anxiety and depression. People with a positive body image are more stress-resistant and experience more positive emotions. A large German youth study found that as many as 30% of boys and more than 40% of girls feel too fat even in primary school. As long as we compare ourselves to the edited photos of models and have diet promises and fitness crazes surrounding us, this will probably not change for a long time.

Self-hatred is by no means a good motivator for a healthier lifestyle. As an evaluation of more than 100 studies suggests, unsolicited diet tips, scornful looks and exclusion can have severe consequences for the psyche, often promote stress eating and diminish the desire to exercise. Hence, fat-shaming helps no one.

However, if the path to absolute self-love seems too unrealistic, it might be easier to make friends with the approach of body neutrality. You don’t always have to feel beautiful in order to feel respect and appreciation for your body. According to the motto: I am grateful to my body for carrying me through this life, no matter how it looks. This kind of gratitude offers an effective motivation to treat one’s own body well.

You may want to try out the following tips for more self-love:

Become aware of your strengths.
Surely you admire more in other people than just their appearance. What makes a person lovable to you? Write down the qualities you value in yourself. Be generous and speak to yourself the way you would to a good friend.

Be aware of your thoughts.
It is all too easy for the inner critic to take hold of us. In your thoughts you speak disparagingly and disrespectfully to yourself. Recognise these destructive thoughts, question them as objectively as possible and distance yourself from them internally.

Clean up your social media feeds.
Look for realistic role models. You should not see anything on your feed that makes you feel bad. Instead, only follow accounts that make you happy or add value.

Be grateful to your body.
Thanks to your body, you can experience wonderful things like hugs, dancing or delicious food. For that, at least, it deserves appreciation. What are you grateful for?

Take care of your body.
You can treat your body well by being active and providing it with valuable energy on a regular basis. Not because you feel you have to, because it’s healthy. But because you feel good about it.

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